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Bikini

May 26, 2013

bikini

I bought a bikini today.

This isn’t groundbreaking. It isn’t strange or shocking or brave.

But it is unusual for me. And by “unusual” I mean I haven’t worn a bikini since I was…eleven?

I wore a lot of tankinis throughout middle school and high school. At my highest weight in college I got into the habit of wearing one pieces—a habit that I couldn’t bring myself to break, even after I lost over 40 lbs (and maintained that loss for over five years). A few years ago, I bought a black one piece from Target that I wore until it was stretched out beyond what is probably acceptable to wear in public.

But since my initial weight loss, I’ve always put off buying a bikini, thinking I’m just a few pounds away from what I “should” weigh before showing that much skin. Even at my lowest weight (probably a solid 8 lbs lower than where I am now), I felt like I had more to lose. Then I realized that I desperately need a new bathing suit, like, now, and I decided that, if I don’t go for the two piece this year, I probably never will. And that’s just ridiculous. I put so much into taking care of my body, both through exercise and diet. I’m proud of my hard work and dedication, and while there are obviously some things I would like to change, I’m happy with what I have.

I went to Victoria’s Secret today, and I tried on an absurd number of bathing suits. I put this one on, and instead of settling just for the sake of it, I realized that I actually liked what I saw. I tried it on again when I got home, and I liked it even more. I’m hoping that I like it enough to wear it out as much as my black one piece. Talk about a leap in the direction of finally accepting my body for what it is, not for what I wish it was.

TLDR version of this post: I bought my first bikini in seventeen years. Not a big deal for anyone else, but kind of a big step for me.

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